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Haydon's Handy Alibi Checklist

This list is intended to simplify the problem of selecting the proper alibi to suit the occasion. While some athletes are so bad they don't need an excuse, there comes a time in the developing career of almost every athlete when he will feel the need for an explanation to account for some unusually disappointing performance. At such times this handy alibi checklist may prove helpful. For those hardy souls who desire to pioneer in the discovery of new alibis, there are a few blank spaces which may be used for write-ins.
 

Ate too much.
I was weak from lack of nourishment.
Not enough time to warmup.
Warmed up too much.
Not enough sleep.
I was loggy from too much sleep.
Need wheat germ oil.
Need yogurt.
Need raw carrots.
Need vitamin a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-z (circle needed vitamins)
Not enough weight training.
Musclebound from too much weight training.
I'm building up slowly for the next Olympics.
I reached my peak too soon.
Saving myself for ____________ (Name of event, girl, etc.)
No club car on train to meet.
Club car on train to meet.
Started my kick too soon.
Started my kick too late.
No kick.
Worried about studies.
Worried about finances.
Girl friend unfriendly last night.
Girl friend too friendly last night.
When I saw that ___________ was running I choked up.
I didn't use my head.
I thought too much.
I cut him off and thought I was disqualified.
I'm a mudder and the track was dry.
I can't run on a muddy track.
I can't run into a strong wind like that.
The wind behind me ruined my sense of pace.
They all jumped but me.
I was waiting for the recall gun.
My starting blocks slipped.
I can't run when I'm behind.
I can't run.
Too much competition.
No competition. (a bunch of hamburgers)
Too many meets.
Not enough meets.
Cheap medals.
I wanted to see what they gave for third.
Too many people were depending on me.
Nobody cared about my performance.
If I'd known the bar was onlay at 6'10" I'd have made it easily.
When I heard the bar was at 6'10" I was completely psyched out.
My form was terrific but my fiberglass pole was having a bad day.
I knew the shot was underweight and if I made a record it wouldn't count.
I don't like organized athletics.
I only run for exercise.
I'll show you what I can do on Monday in practice.
I only run for fun and winning spoils everything.
I just didn't feel like running.
I felt great and that's always a bad sign.
I couldn't get excited about the race.
I was overanxious.
My mind was too tense. (two tenths of a normal mind)
I heard we weren't getting a meal after the meet.
My coach is an American and he doesn't understand foreign athletes.
My coach is a foreigner and he doesn't understand American athletes.
My coach is a _______________!
My coach treats me just like he treats everyone else and I don't like it.
My coach is always bothering me with special attention.
Looking forward to outdoor track.
Looking forward to cross country.
Looking forward to indoor track.
I can't stand too much success.
My psychiatrist says I'm determined to be a a failure.
My coach reminds me of my father and I hate them both.
My coach reminds me of my mother and I hate them both.
My back was killing me.
My old army injury popped up again.
My contact lenses froze to my eyeballs.
Some days it doesn't pay to get up.
There was no us in winning because I knew I couldn't pass the doping test.
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Submitted by Ed Friedman
Last update: April 6, 2000

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